ILLICIT GHOST | New Single 'PRESENT' Inspired by her Journey in Dealing with Anxiety & OCD | We Talk Music & Photoshoots
Meet artist, producer, violinist and songwriter Illicit Ghost. For a song about feeling trapped, her next single “Present” is remarkably freeing. Illicit Ghost glides over ascendant strings and shake-your-nerves-out production, creating the perfect track to release anxiety, reset, and simply get out of your head.
“Present,” written and recorded by Illicit Ghost and co-produced with Elliot Jacobson (Allie X, Vérité, Elle King)
Thank you Illicit Ghost for Joining us remotely for an interview!
Thank you X-Ray Magazine for your support on my new single “Present”!
What is your single Present about?
It is “about acknowledging difficult feelings and working to heal, move forward and live in the moment,” says Illicit Ghost.
Present” is about the search for emotional freedom. One day my anxiety and OCD were making me feel helpless. I started a new recording session, hit record, and just started to say out loud how I was feeling. These words became the lyrics of the song.” She explains her mental health journey: I believe that change comes from within. I decided to look inward and take responsibility for the way I feel. If I want to make music and show up for myself and for others, I need to take care of myself first. This song is a reminder to myself, and to listeners, to be present.
Since you have started Ableton Sessions, how did your journey of music-making start?
Before I downloaded Ableton, I used to record and produce on Garageband on my iPhone which was a challenge because the screen was so small and it was hard to keep track of everything that was happening in the session. It was a great way to get ideas down and I liked the feeling of being limited because it forced me to get creative. I made the switch over to Ableton at the suggestion of a friend. It was a whole new world for me! It was much easier to navigate on a desktop computer. There were new plugins and effects that I was experimenting with which became instrumental in forming my sound.
As a songwriter and producer, how do you balance the use of different instruments and vocals?
I choose sounds for my songs based on how they make me feel. It’s a process of experimentation. If I find a synth I like I’ll put effects on it until I get a sound that either makes me feel joyful, sad, etc. For example in my new song “Present,” I chose synth sounds that were uplifting and hopeful to contrast with the darkness of the lyrics.
What is your favorite instrument to play?
I love singing the most! I don’t speak much in real life so it feels good to sing and express myself fully without having to talk.
What is your favorite song produced so far and why?
My favorite is “Rabbit Hole,” I especially love the chorus. When I recorded the strings and vocals, it gave me a very “free” feeling emotionally, which is what I strive for when I create music.
Your latest single “Present“ is about inner voice, is emotion the main inspiration when you write music?
All of my songs are based on emotion and are personal to me. I wrote “Present” when I was feeling overpowered by my anxiety and OCD. I forced myself to open up a new session and write because that is part of how I am able to heal. I spoke exactly how I was feeling in that moment into the microphone and those words became the first lines of the song (“I’m just a little anxious, just a little upset, just a little tired.”) The song is a reminder to myself to keep doing the personal work I need to do in order to live in the moment.
In your latest IGTV “Anti-Anxiety Hour”, you talked about the difficulties of “social” with Trace, is there any impact on your songwriting.
I struggle with social anxiety and it definitely informs my songwriting. I love being on my own and having nights to myself to practice self-care and make music. Before quarantine, I never did well in large crowds or at parties. The stimulation from all of the loud noise bothered me a lot and I usually ended up going home early. I’m more of a one-on-one hangout person, but I am working towards getting better at being in a group setting when that is possible again. One of the reasons why I started “Anti-Anxiety Hour,” in addition to wanting to create a safe space for everyone who is struggling to come together and talk, was because it was a way for me to try to overcome my fear of speaking in front of a group.
You’ve posted a video meditating how does this help you with combating your anxiety?
Meditation helps me to bring myself into the present. For me, it’s about letting go of any worry and appreciating life for what it is at that particular point in time. It allows me to really settle into my body and feel what is happening around me. Things as simple as acknowledging the cool breeze on my skin or the sensation of clothes on my body helps bring me into the moment.
What would you suggest people do to keep positive?
I would suggest meditation, exercise, eating healthy, therapy, acupuncture, journaling, baths, listening to music, quiet time, and doing what you love.
How have you changed during the process of dealing with your anxious states?
I feel stronger today than I was in the past because I’ve been pushing myself and because of therapy. Doing the work to change takes a lot of time, energy, and effort, but to me, it is worth it. If I didn’t try, I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing now. I’m determined to overcome my struggles with mental health, even though there are days when I am completely overwhelmed. I want to be the best I can for myself and for the people I care about. I have to stick to my structured routine, remind myself to meditate, and remind myself to eat so that I have enough energy and brainpower to keep making music.
You created an “Anti-Anxiety” playlist on Spotify, have you got inspiration from the music you put in the playlist?
I love every song on the playlist, each added song is intentional. I add a song because it either makes me feel uplifted or makes me feel emotionally free.
What music have you listened to lately during the quarantine?
I’ve been listening to Fiona Apple’s new album a lot. She has been very influential to me in how she is so raw and honest. I’ve also been listening to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP.” I love that song because it makes me feel empowered when I listen to it. The writing and production are incredible. I love music that makes me feel something.
You have done performances and photoshoots on location, do you prefer this to the studio or indoors?
I definitely prefer the studio for shoots. Unfortunately, this isn’t a possibility because of coronavirus, so I’m finding ways to get creative at home!
What song do you think most represents “Illicit Ghost”?
Each song represents a part of me and collectively they represent me as a whole. Currently, “Present” represents where I am now because I am on my own mental health journey that requires a lot of time and effort every day. I want other people to know that if they are suffering, they are not alone. There is no shame in asking for help or speaking up about what you are going through.
Once the pandemic is over, what are you looking forward to doing the most?
I can’t wait to start playing live again! Live shows were a huge outlet for me to let out stress and anxiety. Being on stage brings me emotional freedom that I can’t find anywhere else.